I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
