Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
