So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
