Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
