I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
