"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she smelled like a LAN party
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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