I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize