I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
