ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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