im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize