you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
