Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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