And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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