She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need a beard to bite.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
