I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
