Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
