Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
