Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
