What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
