That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
