Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
