She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
