dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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