Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i out mim tonsoeep
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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