i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
