I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
