he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
