Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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