wrigley field is MILF paradise
wanna go halves on a baby?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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