I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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