this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
