Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
now i know why i became what i already was.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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