Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
