sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize