Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
