Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
