He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
