dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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