with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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