Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
