Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
