i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
