i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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