I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
