Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I want to have your abortion
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
