do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
