I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
wow bdsm is so cute
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