I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize