he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
