it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
