I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
