if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
