Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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