tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
