my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
