his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
