It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
