If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
