yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When are your genitals available?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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