Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
