You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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