Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
