Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
