she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
