How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
