I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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