guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
