yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize