The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize