I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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