dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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