i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
