Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
