there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
