I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
