We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize