Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
