If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize