chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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