anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
