was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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