Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
