Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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