if i can run in heels then i can drive
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
