Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
