Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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