Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
