i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize