So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
