You can't special order awesome
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
