y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
