last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
