Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
