Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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