I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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