Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
