I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
