OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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