i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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