i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
