Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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