I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need moral support for this bender
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
