Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
