did you get engaged???
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
