yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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