puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Come on in and take your pants off
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