Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
