; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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