Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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