Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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