my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
