dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
